God Made Me An Atheist

Great Britain Is Great

I'm British so I laughed when I saw this.

Judaism

Atheist Kitty Reading The DOG Delusion

I've had a bit of a Cat theme today

Atheist Cat

This follows on from the previous post.

Catholic Kittens

One day a Catholic Priest was walking down the street and saw a little girl on her front porch with a box of newborn kittens.
The little girl greeted him, "Hello Father; these are Catholic kittens."
The Priest replied, "That's nice. Bless you child."
A week later the Priest saw the little girl again with the box of kittens and asked, "How are the little Catholic kittens doing?"
The little girl solemnly informed him, "They are not Catholic kittens anymore, they are Atheist kittens now."
The Priest was shocked, "What happened?!"
The little girl grinned, "Their eyes opened."

Is Jesus Pinocchio?

Saint Peter is watching the gates of Heaven, but he really has to go to the bathroom. He asks Jesus to watch the gates for a few minutes, and Jesus agrees.

As Jesus is standing there, he sees an old man leading a donkey up from Earth to Heaven. He notices the old man has carpenter's tools with him. When the old man gets to the gates, Jesus asks him to describe his life and explain why he feels he should be admitted into Heaven.

The man explains, "In English, my name would be Joseph, but I didn't live in America or England. I lived a modest life, making things out of wood. I'm not remembered very well by most people, but almost everyone has heard of my son. I call him my son, but I was more of a Dad to him -- he really didn't come into this world in the usual way.

I sent my son out to be among the people of the World. He was ridiculed by many, and was even known to associate himself with some pretty unsavory characters, although he himself tried to be honest and perfect. My single biggest reason for trying to get into Heaven is to be re-united with my son."

Jesus is awe-struck by the man's story. He looks into the old man's eyes and asks, "Father?"

The old man's face brightens; he looks at Jesus, and asks, "Pinocchio?"

The Evolution Of Man

Spoiler

Some Of Us Have Better Things To Do

Darth Pope

The Born Again Christian Teacher

A young woman teacher explains to her class of third graders that she is a born-again Christian. She asks the class if any of them are born-again Christians too.

Not really knowing what it means to be born-again, but wanting to please and impress their teacher, many little hands suddenly shot up into the air. There was, however, one exception. A girl named Sarah had not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asked her why she has decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Christian."

"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"I'm an atheist."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Sarah why she is an atheist.

"It's just that my family isn't religious. My Mom is atheist, and my Dad is atheist, so I am atheist."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason." she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

"Then," says Sarah, "I'd be a born-again Christian."

Religion And Shit

Taoism 
Shit happens. 
Buddhism 
If shit happens, it's not really shit. 
Islam 
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah. 
Protestantism 
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. 
Judaism 
Why does this shit always happen to us? 
Hinduism 
This shit happened before. 
Catholicism 
Shit happens because you're bad. 
Hare Krishna 
Shit happens rama rama. 
T.V. Evangelism 
Send more shit. 
Atheism 
No shit. 
Jehova's Witness 
Knock knock, shit happens. 
Hedonism 
There's nothing like a good shit happening. 
Christian Science 
Shit happens in your mind. 
Agnosticism 
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't. 
Rastafarianism 
Let's smoke this shit. 
Existentialism 
What is shit anyway? 
Stoicism 
This shit doesn't bother me.